Tom, Dick, and Harry: The Power of Love
by The Winter Wizard
Summary: A humorous parody and spoof on all Voldermort/Harry slash stories, in which Harry discovers what his secret power is that Voldermort knows not during his grand finale with the Dark Lord. Let's just say that nothing goes as expected! AU, Slash, Lemon


**Disclaimer:** The Winter Wizard does not own anything to do with anything (in other words Harry Potter), nor is he liable for any loss of sanity, breakfast, lunch, or supper that maybe emptied from one's stomach and mind respectively after the reading of this fanfiction.

**WARNING: **Slightly crude language, twisted humour, slash, parody, multiple couples, etc

**Author's Note:** Once again I have come up with another parody although this time it is directed to all the slash fanfics with Harry & Voldermort. Those are just sad. And while I like Harem/Superpower!Harry fics, it's also making fun of those ones where Harry has to have a Veela-like or harem-like relationship in order to boost his power and destroy Voldermort. I don't quite know where I got this from, maybe the coffee I was drinking this morning as I wrote this.

Even so, it's not meant to make fun of gays in general just Harry Potter slash as some of it doesn't even make sense like Harry/Arthur, Harry/Moody, or Harry/Lucius. I mean, come on! _Seriously_? You must be pretty bored in order to write something like that. Okay, rant over. Enough said. Well, one last thing to say is that this is set near the end of the Deathly Hallows when Harry confronts Voldermort for the last time. So now without any further ado, allow me to present my latest spoof!

X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Harry James Potter stood triumphantly before his evil nemesis – the Dark Lord Voldermort. The tyrannical wizard was surrounded by disbelieving Death Eaters, all of which stared at Harry in shock.

"You're supposed to be dead!" Voldermort croaked.

"So are you!" Harry sneered, and he was just about to unleash a powerful blasting hex when someone dove in between them.

"Wait! Stop!" Came an old man's voice.

Harry gasped in shock and everyone drew back in surprise.

"_Dumledore?_" Harry asked incredulously. "_You're_ supposed to be dead!"

"I was granted permission to return to deliver an important message," Dumledore said sagely while everyone else stared at the old wizard, gobsmacked.

"And what's that?" Voldermort sneered.

"You must make love not war!" Dumledore announced.

"Have you lost your marbles?" Harry sputtered in disgust.

"Did the old coot have any to begin with?" Voldermort spat in disgust.

"Listen to me!" Dumledore snapped. "Do you not remember the sign of the Deathly Hallows, Harry?" 

"Yeah," Harry shrugged. "What of them?"

"Well they are all wrong!" Dumledore said triumphantly. "The triangle is not your Invisibility Cloak, it is a bed. The circle is not the Resurrection Stone, it is Voldermort's arse hole. The wand is Harry's second wand."

Voldermort and Harry's eyes widened in awe and wonder.

"It all makes sense now!" Voldermort gasped. "Your secret power that I know not..."

"...Is love!" Harry exclaimed, tears of joy trickling down his face.

"But how can that be when I never knew love?" Voldermort sniffled.

"Oh, Voldyshorts!" Harry sobbed, pained at his newfound lover's pain. "I will make it up to you and show up the meaning of love. Let us end this cursed war!"

"Oh, Harry, my love," Voldermort crooned. "I love you more than words express. Will you be mine?"

"Forever, Voldermort!" Harry smiled.

Voldermort sighed in relief and kissed Harry soundly on the lips. All the Death Eaters were so moved by this touching scene that they cast down their wands and threw off their robes. All the witches and wizards squealed in delight (for there were some witches in Voldermort's ranks) and followed in suit.

What followed could only be described as one happy love fest, in which Harry was busily making quick work of becoming the Master of the Deathly Hallows (aka shagging Voldermort silly on a triangular bed Dumbledore conjured). Everyone else was shagging or snogging someone of the opposite sex or, in the case of the Creevey brothers for example, some were shagging those of the same sex.

Amongst it all, Harry fulfilled the Prophecy by consummating his love with Tom Riddle.

"Oh, Tommy boy, I love you!" Harry gasped as he climaxed.

"I love you too, Mr. Potter," Voldermort gasped. "So much so that I want to become Mrs. Potter!"

"Anything for you, Voldy," Harry whispered lovingly burying his face into Voldermort's neck. "Anything."

And so the war was over and won, and everyone lived happily ever after.

**The End!**

**A/N:** Don't know where I got that crazy idea, but I hope it wasn't too painful to read. It was mainly to be humorous and entertaining. Any feedback and reviews you might have in regards to this fic, would be very much appreciated.

_**~ The Winter Wizard**_


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